Looking up at these pale yellow walls, about to be put to sleep. This room was the exact place just 13 months before we welcomed our baby girl into the world. This time was a completely different story. I was about to go under for a d&c. I remember that cheesy poster peeling off of the wall and the Arabic spoken all around me, kind faces helping me. Though the situation was sorrowful, especially to be in the same place, it was also a precious reminder of the gifts God has given us and His presence then and now. We thought we would be welcoming a fourth child into the world sometime in February but God chose to take this little one home before we could ever tell anyone. My initial reaction was not one of complete trust but of deep sorrow, and self pity. The night I realized what was happening It was just the kids and I and my husband was out meeting with a man seeking truth. Seeking God. I fought with irritation and anger. Sorrow seemed to be winning yet when morning came, so came a peace only God can give. I wondered how I would care for three when I was so emotionally drained myself?  But He provides, He always does. I feared having to go through any procedure and prayed I wouldn’t have to. But He had a different plan. I was irritated, I was returning to this old hospital. Why didn’t I go to a newer one? But He had reasons for that too. When I woke up I heard a baby crying and I thought it was yaelle. Then I heard my husband’s voice. As I recollected what happened and how I was in the same room again, I shed tears but not only out of sorrow, but joy for the fact that my Heavenly Father wanted me to know He was there. Even while I slept, especially in this. I would never hear the cry of this baby, but it’s first cry will be a song of praise in the presence of Jesus.

As we returned home to a house full of people, and a baby bird (Judson rescued) I couldn’t help but be reminded of this little one now in heaven and the picture God gave me of one more voice singing His praises, in His presence right now.

So as I hear this baby bird’s song. I am reminded of this picture and my child is far better off singing to my Savior. Though I may not understand it all, His grace and mercy overwhelm me. I can only look at this time and see goodness and comfort, in an unlikely situation.


20 responses »

  1. I am so blessed by you and your heart for God. I am very sorry for all you have gone through. I am excited to see how God is working in every area of your lives. We love you all so much

  2. Dear Gretchen, you have a good way with words, just communicating from your heart what God is doing in your life. Yes, He is good and has a plan in all things.
    Can’t wait to join in with the choir of children waiting for us !

  3. Dear Gretchen,
    “I would never hear the cry of this baby, but it’s first cry will be a song of praise in the presence of Jesus.” Amazing truth, beautifully put. Praying for you through these dark days, my friend.

  4. Maybe your sweetie and our Gabriel are good friends by now, praising and dancing up and down those golden streets ♡ thanks for sharing your heart.

  5. Thank you for these precious words. We lost two babies and the grace God gives was so overwhelming I often felt guilty for how easy He made it. May He continue to comfort you and may you trust He is there even when fresh waves of grief blindside you. God bless you!

    Psalms 34:6
    This poor man cried, and the Lord heard him,
    and saved him out of all his troubles.

    Isaiah 53:4-5
    Surely he hath borne our griefs,
    and carried our sorrows:
    yet we did esteem him stricken,
    smitten of God, and afflicted.
    But he was wounded for our transgressions,
    he was bruised for our iniquities:
    the chastisement of our peace was upon him;
    and with his stripes we are healed.

  6. Thank you for sharing the beautiful work of our Lord in your life. It is a sweet sorrow to anguish after the loss of a little one and rejoice at the same time. What a wonderful God we have to uphold us and carry us when we are struggling. Love you, my dear. Praying for you.

  7. Hey beautiful friend!! I’m just getting to read your beautiful post. Such beauty and grace written here. Thank you for sharing your heart. I’m so sorry for your loss but I’m thankful for the hope of Heaven and how The Lord is giving you strength through it all. May He be glorified. Love you dear friend!!

  8. Dear Gretchen, It’s a heartbreaking story that you tell, until you go through all the peace and comfort you experienced with our loving God. I, too, had a miscarriage years ago before I was a Christian and did not have the Lord in my heart at that time. What a blessing to read your words that could only come from one who is a friend of God.
    Luke 1:45

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s