Leaving for North Africa I was hopeful and excited about what God had in store for us here. As we settled, found a house, Doctors, language school, school for the kids and hospital all in a new culture that seemed somewhat familiar but definitely not our own. Some things went smoother than we expected and others not so much. The emotional roller coaster was definitely in motion.
The biggest stress would have to have been the thought of having a 2nd vbac here. After discussing doctor options we opted to go with a Christian Dr. Who had done vbacs previously. She seemed to be the best choice for us and after meeting her it was clear even with broken communication this was right. As my due date approached fear began to creep up inside of me. All of the what ifs and after several visits to the Clinic where I would deliver I would cry on the way home wondering, What did I get myself into? I was starting to pick up the vocabulary changes here yet people would try to speak to me in French, not the language I’m trying to learn, their frustration was clear and this whole thing that would be hard enough seemed impossible. I couldn’t share my fears of going into labor in this older hospital with traditions different than our own because this was my choice, plus the fear of knowing what labor really felt like, and all of the details of my kids and the language etc… But as we discussed our decision of trading the temporary discomfort in the hospital for the longer lasting comfort of bringing this baby to our permanent home, I knew this was our best option, yet fear was a moment by moment battle now that we were actually facing it. Several verses became my reminders of the fact that I didn’t need to be strong, I just needed to Trust. After having seen The Lord prove himself time and again I had no choice but to keep looking to Him.
Seek the Lord, and his strength: seek his face evermore. Remember his marvellous works that he hath done; his wonders, and the judgments of his mouth; (Psalms 105:4, 5)
Behold, God is my salvation; I will trust, and not be afraid: for the Lord Jehovah is my strength and my song; he also is become my salvation. (Isaiah 12:2)